Fixer Upper

I’ve been thinking a lot about the movie Frozen and how much of a hit it’s been. I loved it. It was the first movie I took my daughter to, and she loved it. It was really a great story.

There have been a lot of interpretations on it. But the number I see getting forgotten is the little ditty about being a fixer upper. Here are the words:

Bulda: What’s the issue, dear?
Why are you holding back from such a man?
Is it the clumpy way he walks?

Cliff: Or the grumpy way he talks?

Female Troll 1: Or the pear-shaped, square-shaped
Weirdness of his feet?

Male Troll 1: And though we know he washes
Well – he always ends up sort of smelly.

Bulda: But you’ll never meet a fellow who’s as

Bulda and Cliff: Sensitive and sweet!
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
So he’s got a few flaws.

Female Troll 2: Like his peculiar brain dear,

Male Troll 2: His thing with the reindeer.

Troll Duet: That’s a little outside of nature’s laws!

Small Group of Trolls: So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
but this we’re certain of
You can fix this fixer-upper
Up with a little bit of love!

Kristoff: Can we please just 
Stop talking about this? 
We’ve got a real, actual problem here.

Bulda: I’ll say! So tell me, dear
Is it the way that he runs scared?

Male Troll 3: Or that he’s socially impaired?

Troll Child: Or that he only likes to tinkle in the woods
Anna: I did not need to know that…

Cliff: Are you holding back your
Fondness due to his unmanly blondness?

Female Trolls: Or the way he covers
Up that he’s the honest goods?

All Trolls: He’s just a bit of a fixer-upper,
He’s got a couple of bugs
His isolation is confirmation
Of his desperation for healing hugs
So he’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
But we know what to do
The way to fix up this fixer-upper
Is to fix him up with you!

Kristoff: ENOUGH! She is engaged 
to someone else, okay?!

(beat)

Cliff: So she’s a bit of a fixer-upper, 

Male Troll 4: That’s a minor thing.

Male Troll 5: Her quote ‘engagement’ is a flex arrangement.

Troll Child: And by the way I don’t see no ring!

Male Trolls: So she’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
Her brain’s a bit betwixt.
Get the fiancé out of the way and
The whole thing will be fixed.

Bulda: We’re not sayin’ you can change him,
‘Cause people don’t really change.
We’re only saying that love’s a force
That’s powerful and strange.
People make bad choices if they’re mad,
Or scared, or stressed.
Throw a little love their way.

Female Trolls: Throw a little love their way.

Bulda and Female Trolls: And you’ll bring out their best.

All Trolls: True love brings out their best!
Everyone’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
That’s what it’s all about!

Cliff: Father!

Female Troll 3: Sister!

Male Troll 6: Brother!

All Trolls: We need each other to raise
Us up and round us out.
Everyone’s a bit of a fixer-upper,
But when push comes to shove.

Olaf:
The only fixer-upper fixer
That can fix up a fixer-upper is

Trolls:
True! true! 
True, true, true!
Love (True love)
Love, love, love, love, love
Love! (True love!)

True…

Troll Priest: Do you, Anna, take Kristoff to be your troll-fully wedded?

Anna: Wait, what!?

Troll Priest: You’re getting married!

Trolls: Love!

Here’s a little background. Kristoff is a mountain man that has been raised by trolls. He’s not particularly fond of humans, and why would he be? He is, for all intent and purposes, a troll. He’s a little dirty, a little rough around the edges, but as we see throughout the movie, he’s a pretty outstanding guy. He’s down to earth and when it really comes to it, he really loves Anna. Unlike that Hans creep, amiright?

OK. It’s a cute little song. Really. I love the idea.

But lately, I’ve been seeing girls using it to describe the boys in their lives. I say girls because I don’t really think that this way of thinking is exactly adult.

Let us note the fixer upper qualities listed in this song:

  • The way he walks
  • The way he talks (he’s a bit of a grump)
  • His personal hygiene (his best friend is a reindeer, you know)
  • His best  friend is a reindeer
  • He thinks a little bit differently
  • Sometimes he gets scared (they aren’t clear, but I think he’s mostly scared of emotions, and what guy isn’t?)
  • He’s a little socially awkward
  • He pees in the woods
  • He’s blonde
  • He’s way too modest and a little shy

Honestly, I love Kristoff. Probably because, in some ways, he reminds me of my own man. He’s a little rugged, but a true diamond in the rough.

But here is the context I’ve heard some girls use this song for the men in their lives.

  • He only hit me once and the bruise wasn’t even that bad
  • Yea, he cheated on me, but my love can change that!
  • He acts and thinks like a sociopath, but he’s just shy, I’ll bring him out of his shell
  • He doesn’t usually talk respectfully to me, but we can move passed that
  • I said no, and he did it anyway, but he loves me
  • He has some real psychological problems and won’t get help for them but he just needs healing hugs!
  • His drug addiction isn’t that bad
  • He talked me into cheating on my husband, but he really respects me!
  • He can learn to be good with my kids, it’s okay if he yells at them and makes them cry for now

I don’t think this is what the writers at Disney wanted to get across, yet, I have seen it already.

When I got married, there were for sure some quirks that drove me nuts. I know that me not tightening the lids and leaving cups all over the house probably really annoy(ed) my husband, too. When I heard this song, I remember thinking about all those little things and remembering what it was like trying to learn to live with another human being and trying to be better people so that we could really make things work.

But it wasn’t a major attitude adjustment or lifestyle change for either of us. Fixing up should never be. It’s fixing up, not remodeling.

I believe in second chances. I really do. I believe that someone with real problems can turn around and be a fine upstanding individual. I don’t believe that there is any woman or girl out there that deserves to be abused, disrespected, neglected or treated any less than the queen she is in the mean time.

Girls, it’s not your job to find a man/boy/cub who needs to be fixed and be his savior. That job has already been done. You can be a great example, but do it from afar.

I know so many women in my life that feel the need to stay with someone because they feel like they can change him and help him to better. And they might be able to. I believe that when you truly love someone, you help each other to be better.

But therein lies the key.

You both become better.

If one of you is paying the price, it isn’t a healthy relationship.

You might have times in a relationship that are bumpy. But it shouldn’t be based on bumpiness. It shouldn’t start out with bumpiness. Bumpiness should be an every now and again thing, not all the time, and certainly not at your expense.

I believe in the beauty of being a woman. I believe that we deserve love and happiness in whatever form that takes for us in our lives. I believe that we often sell ourselves short and feel like we don’t deserve to be happy. But we do! Anyone who tells you anything different is thinking more about their own needs than yours, and you need to fix up your life and get them out of it.

“Some people are worth melting for…just maybe not right this second.” ~Olaf

tumblr_n03j2sYb6z1r8ptvvo1_500